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This was one of the many dream matches that the Crimson and the Wiffenpoofs have staged over the years. Both teams were not only sporting perfect records, but going into the game their cumulative scores were insane: 588 to 16 and 459 to 0, respectively.
The demand for tickets was so great that the game was moved to Springfield, and even then it was such that it witnessed the first recorded blossoming of our dear friend, Mr. Phineas T. Scalper.
Well, we wish we could report a happy ending to all this, but facts are facts, and we can't change the scoreboard. If you want a more stirring struggle to talk about over your cigars and brandy, we'd suggest going to 1875, 1914, or 1948. That last one shows the hapless bulldog howling at the moon in vain, a fitting state for a beaten cur.